I'm searching.
I want to know why I am
who I am
where I fit
what I should do.
I feel lost. empty. exhausted to the bone.
So much swirls within my head.
Questions, principles, doubts, fears, dreams being birthed and dreams dying, purpose, pain.
I keep playing in my mind: "no, you can't do that because _____" or "that will never be right because _____"
I bind myself inside my head.
Don't waste time.
Don't slack off.
Don't be rude.
You are against unholiness.
You are against living anything else than God's purpose.
You are against giving up.
I don't ...
I'm against ...
I won't ...
There's healthy boundaries in these things. There's even a degree of freedom.
But I can't help wondering: shouldn't there be more in life than only what we're against?
What are we for?
What gives us purpose? drives us?
Instead of making lists of what we're against, what would happen if we made lists of what we're for? Things that give us life. Things that make us smile. Things that we are willing to fight for, to cry over, to work, and work, and work towards?
What if we stopped playing our mantras of that which we will not do
and started living in the freedom and thriving in all that we can?
What if we actually stepped out and purposed for the good?
For there is so much left worth fighting for.
I'm for -
dreams coming true
the voiceless finding their voices
friends finding support
early morning laughter
pain become ground for growth
the wounded being healed
the broken finding new life.
I'm for Jesus.
And maybe, at the end of the day, it is not what we are for or what we are against
but who we are for.
Can not all the purpose we need be found in Him?
© 2014 Deborah Hope Shining
0 comments
I definitely don't want this to be a monologue. What are your thoughts? Questions? Ideas?