Deborah Spooner
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God, i guess i'm here.

i’m here.

at the two weeks plus six days mark. (that sounds so much more weird than three weeks minus one day).

i'm here.

and i'm just hit with how i haven't actually always been here.

yeah, I've never been in this position of being this close to leaving for this new place before, but it’s more than that. i haven't always been present where i am.

i may be physically present, and i may even be focused on engaging with what is within my present.

but this i now see: i haven't always engaged with my whole heart as I’ve needed to do.

i can see my little self dancing around the kitchen floor in a northwestern minnesoatan direction, free & full, beaming joy, and coating the room in yellow that is invisible to the eye - a yellow that smells like the sun and feels like it’s silken rays.

i can see my adolescent self step into the school room and not realize the things that would start to step out of her through her years within those school walls.

i can see myself fumble into teenage-hood and fumble into tears, into pain, into questions.

i can see myself start to grow up and learn things that i guess growing up requires us to learn — or at least requires us to face and to choose if we will do the learning from the seeing, feeling, and knowing.

i see me.

i see me and see so much that i wish little me would have chosen to believe, would have chosen to focus on, would have chosen to hold on to, would have chosen to pursue.

yet i see that little me was so concerned with these very things: concerned with doing it right and seeing right and being right and not wasting life.

i see me.
and i see how unnecessarily complicated me has liked to make things.

yet i see not just the failings but the days dripping with the very essence of good itself -- days of dancing in the kitchen, running barefooted, doodling in the margins, ribstiking in the living room, and singing louder than my family wished i would.

i see life.

and maybe, as i sit here two weeks plus six days away, i’m a little afraid. uneasy. unsure.

because I don’t know exactly what living means.

is there one right way to live?
what does it mean to make the most out of my life?
how can i figure that out?
how do i find the strength to do it once i know?

I've been battling these questions in this microcosmic time where growth is seemingly exponential — which is glorious, but piercingly so.

and i can’t even explain the things the Lord is laying on my heart.
and i might be coming across as an obsessively introspective young person who just needs to get a grip.
and i might not be making as much of sense as i wish i could.

but i refuse to let that stop me, anymore.
but i refuse to not humble myself and share.
but i refuse to not let each word i type to be dripping with candor no matter how inadequate i may think the words to be.

because this living, though.

He’s drawing me to it and letting me ask questions:

what does it look like to learn to be happy every single day?
what kind of letting go does that mean?
and what kind of holding on to does that require instead?

i won't understate the importance of figuring such things out. i just wont' because having purpose and direction is what will set us on fire and create unstoppable forces.

((and it’s a glorious thing when we realize the deepest happiness is found in losing ourselves in delight of the King and following everything that means)).

i'm learning that this living means I'm needing to pour into that relationship with Him— to pour with trust and abandon to come alive on a new level.

it’s been a humbling summer. a stretching one. and now an intensely reflecting and processing one ((something that I have not been wanting to do)).

and i'm here in it -
in the middle of living while trying to find out what this living means.

i want to share with you the journey of finding life.

for this i am already seeing about living: life is meant to be shared.

so, i refuse to not share anyone.
i choose life, and i challenge you to do the same.

this “choosing life” may come in many different forms for you, but i challenge you to seek the Lord about it and ask Him to take you to a level even deeper of sold-out life for Him.

and i make it my aim to share my journey with you on this blog as we begin journeying together: together into life (and that life full).

<< "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." >> ((Jn. 10:10).
© 2015 Deborah Hope Shining


​
Your heart is beating right now.
You are living in a specific country.  

You interact with certain people.  
You do certain things.

Certain things have probably happened to you, too: things that you didn’t ask to happen.

This is your life.

Life is so often what we make of it. 


Things happen to us - good and bad. 
We make choices - good and bad.  


Days keep coming, though, and we still have the power to choose within those days.

Here’s two choices we would do better to make more often.



1. Choose this grace.

 

 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

We fail.  We choose badly, but we have grace because of our Lord. He has grace for our selfishness, for our wasted moments, and for our outbursts of anger.

Truth is: He knows that we are going to fail, sees the frailness of our humanness, and yet has chosen to love us and call us His children, anyway (John 3:16; 1 John 3:1).


In a world born and raised on grace, we shouldn't lose sight of the power of it.

This grace comes from the Maker of the stars (Genesis 1:16), the Author of the universe (Colossians 1:16), the Lord of lords (Revelation 19:16).


This grace is there every time, no matter how many times we fall into it.

So why not make that of life?

Make it full of falls into His grace, into His love, and into His truth instead of into our own confusion, condemnation, and anger.  


2. Choose to make.


 "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children” (Ephesians 5:1).
​What did He make of life?

He made a way for us​ (Hebrews 6:19-20)​. He made us new​ (2 Corinthians 5:17)​. He redeemed His people​ (Luke 1:68)​. He gave purpose​ (2 Corinthians 5:20)​. He lavished with joy​ (Psalm 16:11)​. He infused with hope​ (1 Corinthians 15:54-55)​.

What are we, then, going to make of what He has made for us?

For we are no exception;
​life​ for us, too, will so often be what we make of it.

So why not make it a time …

  • to choose to see the good in situations and in people?
  • to choose to focus on the lessons we are learning instead of counting the mistakes we are making?
  • to fall into His grace and accept His love?  
  • to live making the most of our time: to throw ourselves into delighting in our savior and following His lead in each moment?​


Life for us, too, will so often be what we make of it.


© 2015 Deborah Hope Shining


​You. Reading this.
Have you ever thought about how small you are?

I know I have.

You live in one specific city.  You know a limited number of people out of the world’s approximately seven billion.  You only have a numbered amount of days to do a numbered amount of activities.

You’re small.  I’m small, and this can be daunting, sometimes, as we wonder if our one small life can make a difference.

Discouragement sets in hard.
Should we even try to make a difference?
The answer is yes, and here’s why.


​1. ​ The Big God of the universe loves you and calls you.


This is the epitome of difference making, and we find commands of other hard, difference making actions in the Word.

We, as Christians, are called to be difference makers.  We’re called to model our life after Christ’s (1 Cor. 11:1), and He made the ultimate difference for us; He died on the Christ so that we might have eternal life (Jn. 3:16).
  • Go make disciples of all nations (Matt. 28:19).
  • Turn from our selfishness, pick up our cross, and follow the King of Kings (Luke 9:23).
  • Love one another, even to the point of laying our lives down for our friends (Jn. 15:12-13).

We are called to be difference makers.
Why then do we so often not make a difference?


​2. ​You are capable of big things through Christ.


We often don’t step out and make a difference because we are holding on to something: discouragement. 

Holding on to this prohibits us from grabbing on to God’s hand as we step out in His plan for us to make a difference.

We need to hold on to hope that we can make a difference, for we can do all things through Christ (Phil. 4:13).

If God is calling us to act, do we not trust that He will provide all we need to do these actions?  Can we not simply be faithful to the call of difference making and trust the results  (whether we deem them “big” or “small”) to Him?

We must boldly hold on to His promises of comfort, strength, and provision as we are faithful to obey the call to be Kingdom difference makers.


3. You're part of a big family.


As we are committed to the call, some days will still bring glaring reminders of our smallness.

Maybe this is actually a good thing.

Yes, we’re small, but our God is big; He’s put us in a global family of brothers and sisters in Christ.

Together, our small existence adds up to a bigger whole.  Our “small” actions of difference making add up to a world that is collectively being impacted.


Don't give up.

You can make a difference, and the thing is: you’re actually called to do so.

You’ve been put in this place and time on purpose (Acts 17:26).  Hold onto the hope in Christ and lose yourself in faithful obedience to His call.  Together, as family, we are impacting the world.


________
This post was originally seen on Fervr.

I just pulled Instagram up on my phone and was going to start scrolling.

I'd made a decision last night, though: no social media till after dinner (because I want to be productive and really invest my time wisely annddd social media is like a black hole I fall into and never know when I will emerge).

I've tried no-mores like this before, and I've tried do-this-mores before, too. Things never seem to really go as planned, and that gets old after a while. Nobody likes to endlessly set themselves up for failure and discouragement. (The self-condemnation is usually what hits me. Hard.)

But I'm realizing something.
It's the state of things.

no more social media.
eat no more sugar. at all. 
do this. at this time. everyday.
engage in these three activities for an hour on tuesdays and these four on every third friday while out in the sun and while simultaneously engaging in physical activities.

Then, the slips come, and the goals are stained by the oozing of our failure.

I've wondered.
I've wondered why this is a perpetual problem for me.

Is it a lack of determination and perseverance? of will power?
Is it because of unrealistic goals?
Am I scheduling things too rigidly?
Should I make a schedule at all?

But really, what I'm seeing is that maybe it's the state of things.

I fail.
But maybe it's not the failure that matters.

It's the progress.

Yeah, I slip up, but I'm learning to slip up less.
New habits are slowly, slowly developing,
and I'm learning.

I'm learning that it's better to fail while trying to head in the right direction than to never try to head in the right direction at all.

I would much rather have to remind myself that hey, you failed, Deborah - but it's the state of things.  You are still making progress in the right direction.

You see, if we are drowning in unhappiness about something in our life, we are only causing ourselves harm by letting it continually suffocate us.

Just start making progress.

Failure makes us unhappy.
We can hold on to this fact, or we start making progress: we can let it go and grab on to the fact that change takes time but change is good (and we can celebrate that we are heading that way).

I hold this phone in my hand, and I can tell you that change is possible.
I didn't scroll through Instagram.  I opened the blogger app and started on this post.

We can make a change. 
We are making progress.
With each choice, the state of things can improve.

We can choose to not unhappily hold on to our failure but rejoice that we've been given another day to make progress.

We can choose to seek to maximize our progress with each choice we make.

Maybe it's not so much about holding our good intentions and our schedules over our lives and constantly weighing whether we measure up to these standards.

Maybe it's a holding up of a simple surrender: Here I am Lord.  I am Yours, Lord.  Have Your way in me.

When the fails come and when the progress is going amazingly well, it's all okay.

Because it's the state of things. And our ultimate state can't get any better; we're children of God (1 John 3:1).

He gives us what we need to make the state of anything else better.

And the state of things can get better.

________
This article was originally seen on The Rebelution.

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About Me

Deborah Spooner is an analytical creative enamored by ideas and addicted to dripping words in candor. Serving as a Marketing Strategist for LifeWay’s Adults Ministry, she loves all things big-dreaming, difference-making, and Jesus-pointing. A pastor’s daughter with a background in communications and theology, you can find her at her local church with her students (and probably way too excited about the color yellow) as she seeks to know Christ more and make Him known.

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