although i'm now adventuring in a new place, here is a post written during some of the "lasts."  If you struggle with wanting lasts to be bests, then this one might be just for you.


it's His presence.

i'm sitting on my bedroom floor, my back against my endtables-turned-dressers.
i'm sitting here with the sun slightly blocking my vision with my laptop resting on my shins as my Bible and Graceful: Letting Go of Your Try Hard Life by Emily P. Freeman sits in front of me.

this is a last.

it's the last saturday morning that i will be able to do this. here. just like old times.

i've been having a lot of these lasts lately.

i go to a babysitting joy for one last time.
i pop up unexpectedly at a friend's house and sit in her driveway as we talk for one last time.
i gather in a room full of people who all traveled to the Dominican Republic this summer as we talk about the lasting impressions of the trip for one last time.

i've been having a lot of these lasts lately (and i know that the next few days are going to be filled with a lot more).

with all these lasts parading by, i've gotten a little uptight.
i know that lasts are coming, and i so desperately want to make each last count.

i want to make the last week the best that it can be.
i want to make each moment be as maximized for preparation and beyond that it can be.

i've wanted the lasts to be bests so badly, that i've neglected something: His presence.

what makes the difference between burnout and strength despite feelings of emptiness?
what can give happiness even when certain things in life seem to not be as ideal as we'd like them?

it's Him.  it's His presence.

you see, i've been at the frustrated place:
the place where things just aren't turning out how i want them to
the place where time seems to continuously fall short
the place where my (ahem way too high) goals aren't met, and i place excessive blame on myself.

yet the place that i really need to be is at the feet of Jesus.

When we are being conscious of His presence, our vision is changed as our hearts are simply delighting in Him.

God is with us, so let's have joy even if a last isn't as "best" as you'd like.

God is good, so let's be intentional about following what He says out of an expression of our deep love of His goodness.

God is love, so let's let ourselves feel more and more each day the humbling love despite our inadequacies so that we pour out this love to those around us.

You see, we can choose joy.
Happiness is waiting right here if only we pick it up and if only we choose to hold on to it instead of our own frustrations.

You see, we are going to keep failing,
 but maybe our biggest failure is when we refuse to humble ourselves and find life through living in His presence.

i’ve reached a place now.
i’ve reached the place, i think i could say.

the timing seems all wrong.
it seems atrociously wrong.

but words have come alive in my soul again.
i’m feeling with a new clarity again,
and that’s something I've struggled to do for months and months.

i think i’m discerning through the doubts.
there will always be reasons not to act.
there will always be more information i can get before i decide to act.
there can always be alternative options.

but everything that we do in life requires sacrifice of one type or another.

it’s unavoidable.
even though some sacrifices may seem bigger than others, they’re all still choices made at the cost of making other choices.

maybe one of the biggest sacrifices is when we "refuse" to sacrifice -

when we think that we are staying safe, comfortable, or happy because we are choosing to not make certain hard, sacrificial choices.

it’s the times when we don’t take any action because we are afraid of what the action will cost us -
it’s the times when we take the safest course of action -
it’s the times when we don’t even try because it seems that we may fail (and fail greatly) -

it’s those times that we are blind: we don’t see that our refusal to make these hard choices is making our life harder in other ways.

passivity and lack of commitment is costing us time — time in which we could be making progress (whether personal, tangible, or other).

safety often is costing us the unknown — a place where we will find things around the corner that we didn’t even know were there because we refused to step out.

fear of failure is costing us times when we learn to fly (or time when we learn to fall into His grace). both are good. both are necessary.

one of the biggest sacrifices is when we "refuse" to sacrifice.

He’ll speak to your heart about sacrifices.. if you are willing to listen.
He is faithful to lead and to guide into sacrifices.. if you open your heart to Him and let Him bring you to a point where you are ready.

He is holy.
and the world is hurting.

who are we to refuse to sacrifice as we give in to our petty doubts?
what would it look like if we stepped past the doubts and kept our eyes on the magnificent power of our King?

well, i say let’s go find out.