When You're Just Too Frustrated

although i'm now adventuring in a new place, here is a post written during some of the "lasts."  If you struggle with wanting lasts to be bests, then this one might be just for you.

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it's His presence.

i'm sitting on my bedroom floor, my back against my endtables-turned-dressers.
i'm sitting here with the sun slightly blocking my vision with my laptop resting on my shins as my Bible and Graceful: Letting Go of Your Try Hard Life by Emily P. Freeman sits in front of me.

this is a last.

it's the last saturday morning that i will be able to do this. here. just like old times.

i've been having a lot of these lasts lately.

i go to a babysitting joy for one last time.
i pop up unexpectedly at a friend's house and sit in her driveway as we talk for one last time.
i gather in a room full of people who all traveled to the Dominican Republic this summer as we talk about the lasting impressions of the trip for one last time.

i've been having a lot of these lasts lately (and i know that the next few days are going to be filled with a lot more).

with all these lasts parading by, i've gotten a little uptight.
i know that lasts are coming, and i so desperately want to make each last count.

i want to make the last week the best that it can be.
i want to make each moment be as maximized for preparation and beyond that it can be.

i've wanted the lasts to be bests so badly, that i've neglected something: His presence.

what makes the difference between burnout and strength despite feelings of emptiness?
what can give happiness even when certain things in life seem to not be as ideal as we'd like them?

it's Him.  it's His presence.

you see, i've been at the frustrated place:
the place where things just aren't turning out how i want them to
the place where time seems to continuously fall short
the place where my (ahem way too high) goals aren't met, and i place excessive blame on myself.

yet the place that i really need to be is at the feet of Jesus.

When we are being conscious of His presence, our vision is changed as our hearts are simply delighting in Him.

God is with us, so let's have joy even if a last isn't as "best" as you'd like.
God is good, so let's be intentional about following what He says out of an expression of our deep love of His goodness.
God is love, so let's let ourselves feel more and more each day the humbling love despite our inadequacies so that we pour out this love to those around us.

You see, we can choose joy.
Happiness is waiting right here if only we pick it up and if only we choose to hold on to it instead of our own frustrations.

You see, we are going to keep failing,
 but maybe our biggest failure is when we refuse to humble ourselves and find life through living in His presence.

© 2015 Deborah Hope Shining


I definitely don't want this to be a monologue. What are your thoughts? Questions? Ideas?